Who Am I?

Project 52. Week 1.

"So, tell me about yourself?"

"Oh gosh! Who am I?"

Anyone else have an existential crisis when someone asks you to tell them about yourself? Just me? It is the strangest thing. On my own, I know myself pretty well. I know what I like, I know what my energy is, I know what I want to do, then you throw another human being in the mix and I don't know how to tell them who I am.

I remember during freshmen orientation in college we were asked in our "small groups" to write a thing called an "I am" poem. Honestly, it was probably the least awful icebreaker game I played that weekend. People wrote out all sorts of beautiful lists of where they came from, how they perceived themselves, lists of what they liked while I scribbled on my own page.

"I am... a writer?" Am I though? How do you define actually being a writer or an artist? By a degree, by publication, by some modicum of success?

"I am... a traveler?" Or am I a tourist? How many places do you have to visit or in what way do you have to travel to be considered a traveler?

"I am... a Christian." That one I can say with certainty. That is a part of me that defines my life. I try to explain it by saying that I don't want my faith to be something that fits into my life. Just the opposite. I want to fit my life into my faith. I want to do that. I don't always do that, but I want to do that and I want to want to do that. Even there, there is some level at which it needs to be defined. When I tell someone I am a Christian, that could mean something completely different to them than it does to me. Language is a complex world full of invisible borders. How can I stand in that world and speak who I am not know where those borders are for someone else? How can I place who I am in words?

At 20 I was determined, I was strong, I was terrified that I was the dumbest person in every room that I walked into. Now I am 30 and I am in a unique position for a 30 year old to be in. I am 30 and thanks to a growing sickness in my body I am striving to find the limits of who I am and who I am within those limitations. That's the thing though. I will always be Katie, but Katie will not always be exactly the same. Our experiences and circumstances change us. I can take a picture and show you who I am, I can show you my soul, my smile, my mood, my accomplishment, whatever was there to capture in an image. It was only for a moment. One instance of who I am and then the world turned and it changed again.

"So, tell me about yourself?"

"What would you like to know?"