The other day a friend of mine went out for sushi... alone. Something she had never done before. Something she was so proud of herself for that she posted it on Facebook.
Another friend of mine insisted that she could not watch a new movie alone and insisted that I had to show her the Marvel movies. She was actually mad at me when I moved for a new job because it meant that she had to watch the rest of them alone.
I will be completely honest. I do not get that. Either of them. I remember a few years ago I spent 3 days ALONE on a ferry that was stuck in Juneau Alaska and I was miserable not because I was alone but because I was stuck on a ferry in Alaska. On the second evening I went to the ferry's restaurant for dinner ready to treat myself well after a long day of doing nothing. I sat down at the table with my book in hand drinking my wine and an older man, probably mid forties, I had spoken to earlier that day got up from his table with his travel companions, came over to my table, and insisted on speaking with me for ten minutes then grabbing another solo traveler from another table, moving him to my table and insisting that we were about to have a great conversation. That was the maddest I have ever been. Instead of getting to sit by the window and happily read my book through dinner I was forced into meaningless small talk with someone who's name I no longer remember. I love to be alone. I love traveling alone. I love walking alone. I love being alone. That day I was looking forward to some time alone.
Here's the thing though. It is hard to be alone. In fact, it is probably harder to do anything alone than with one or two companions. Why is that?
As much as I like to be alone there are some things and projects that I struggle to do alone. As if I do not have the motivation inside of me to simply do it. It is hard to continue doing something when it feels like you are the only one who cares that you do it. I need encouragement.
Hiking is a good example. When you hike alone it doesn't matter if you stop before you reach the top. Nobody will know. Which means there is no one to push you when it gets a little harder. There is no encouragement that you can make it and no ridicule if you decide you cannot make it (I have an older brother, trust me, ridicule is a powerful motivator). If you do not have anyone to walk beside you, it will be harder to make it to the top.
Which means there is another question. How do we do it alone? How do we steel ourselves against the lack of encouragement and encourage ourselves. There will be times when we need to. When I undertook a year long poetry writing challenge (writing a poem every week) and felt halfway through that I was the only person who cared whether or not I wrote the poem every week, I had to find that encouragement inside of myself.
Choosing what you are doing carefully is one way to encourage yourself. Find something that you really want to do. If it is something you really want you will be more willing to push yourself toward it no matter what obstacles you face. You want that for you so you work to get it. If you are careful with what you choose to do to do things that you really want it will become easier and easier to do them on your own. When you have to walk alone you have to find a place you truly want to walk. A destination you want to get to. I want to be a better writer. I want to write more poetry and prove that I can write quality poetry. So, even when it was hard and I lacked encouragement I knew it would get me to the destination I wanted so I was able to keep going.
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