(As published in How To Pack For Church Camp)
I’ve worked at the same camp every summer since I was sixteen. I’ve done everything there from being in the kitchen, to leading silly songs, to being a cabin leader, to organizing and facilitating retreats. It is a big part of my life. I did not realize just how big or how out of place that might seem until one night when I was out on a date with a guy I really liked.
“This camp must be important to you. That’s the third time you’ve mentioned it.” It was, and the drive to the restaurant was less than twenty minutes.
“Oh, sorry.” I think I laughed; the whole evening is a bit of a blur. I tried to explain that Camp Bethel was one of the few constants about my childhood. My family moved a lot, but every summer from age nine on, I managed to end up back at this small Baptist camp where people wrestled in a mysterious goo known as “yuck” and sacrificing your best friend to win a game was considered fair and reasonable. I tried to explain that it was like being a member of a really weird family, and that being one of the Daroffs at camp was almost the same as being Ironman in an Avengers film; you may not be everyone’s favorite but no one is mad that you are there. It came out more like “I just love camp!”
Camp is where I became the woman I am today and the place where I learned so much of what makes me that person, including all of my best flirting moves.
Anyone who has been to any camp knows that flirting and making googly eyes is strictly frowned upon. Anyone who has been to any camp also knows that crushes and flirting happen anyway. As a camper at Camp Bethel I spent many hours of free time sitting in the gazebo with a group of friends trying to catch that one boy’s eye (that’s right campers, I was young once!). I also spent a lot of time trying to be the best at every game or the fiercest field games competitor because teenage boys aren’t already terrified of teenage girls.
As a cabin leader, I have spent many hours talking with girls about how they deserve to be treated and how they should never settle for less than love. I held late night vigils with young women who were still learning who they were and who they might be with whichever dreamy boy their attention had fallen on. I have also spent many nights sitting quietly on my bunk listening to a group of talk about which boys at camp were the cutest, especially that one from Cabin Three with the guitar.
Camp is the best place to learn about boys and flirting… as a cabin leader I cannot endorse that statement.
The first things you learn about flirting at camp are the times and places to squeeze in a little extra time gazing at that one cute boy. In the age of Facebook and Instagram that’s easy you just get online and can watch the video of him singing in his car until your battery dies but it gets a lot harder when you go to camp and are forced to go analog for a week. Camp is only seven days long; you have a very limited amount of time so you find the places and times when you can. The best is shower house time right before you return to your cabins for lights out.
Every smart girl knows that the best way to get a guy’s attention is to brush your teeth at the fountain outside. You go into the shower house and take care of everything that you absolutely have to have plumbing for and maybe double check that your hair and tie-dye pajama pants are still looking good, grab your toothbrush, and head outside. Of course, the excuse in my youth was that the bathroom was just too crowded and steamy but everyone knew the real reason. It was one last chance before the day ended to catch his attention and impress him with good oral hygiene. And if that foxy fellow from cabin two came out and brushed his teeth within ten feet of you you just knew he felt the same way.
Those were simpler times.
This flirting trick does not work in the outside world. You cannot go into the guy you like’s house and watch him brush his teeth, It is even worse to be out in public, see him, and pull out your toothbrush. Please! Just take my word for it.
Friendship Bracelets. If more than 24 hours have gone by and you haven’t presented your crush with a handcrafted friendship bracelet then there is literally nothing I can do to help you. You clearly aren’t taking this seriously.
The friendship bracelet is camp flirting in its purest form. First of all, nothing says. “I want to sit by you at campfire,” like a hand tied bracelet in three to five of his favorite colors. It shows you have taken the time to get to know him for more than his silly song antics and then taken the time to create a beautiful piece of art that he is legally bound to wear every minute for the rest of camp.
Now, if you are trying to get away with something… which you won’t, I have eyes everywhere… the friendship bracelet is also a great way to get in some on the sly hand holding.
You don’t just hand your crush the bracelet and walk off. Oh no. That doesn’t count. The first rule of friendship bracelets is you have to tie it on the person’s wrist. Otherwise your friendship isn’t real. Who am I to say that your fingers wouldn’t accidentally brush so you can feel that jolt of instant, electric, love? Added points for slyness if you pretend to struggle while tying it on so he has to stand there gazing deeply into your eyes for a few seconds longer.
From that moment on, every time he looks at his wrist he will see the bracelet and remember you.
I cannot say with certainty how well this move works in practice or outside of the confines of camp, but it always sounded really nice in my head.
Seating is equally important in camp flirting. I mean really, how are supposed to make googly eyes at dinner if he is sitting on the other side of the dining hall with his back to you?
This move is tricky. You have to sit with him without him knowing that is what you are trying to do and you have to gather your own friends as well so the table is balanced. You do not want all of Cabin Three and then you, he will notice. There is no easy way to accomplish this. You and at least one other friend have to be behind him in line, so he sits first, but not so far behind that the table fills up. It’s the dining room two-step and I have seen more than a few campers burned by it. Some wait too long while others rush to the table and seem overeager. The results, however, cannot be argued with. Once seated you have half an hour to forty-five minutes to charm your handsome dude.
This move is not for the faint of heart or novices. In fact, it is second in difficulty only to the campfire two-step.
Can you imagine a more romantic spot than a campfire? The summer sun having fallen behind the trees, a crackling orange fire and twinkling white string lights casting that perfect light that gives your skin a romantic glow. Then there’s you, cozied up next to that one boy because the benches are crowded with campers. Maybe it has gotten a little chilly and he has offered to share his blanket. In your head you have already started to compose tonight’s journal entry, “DEAR DIARY! Tonight that boy from Cabin Four looked so dreamy!”
Getting to that point? That is hard.
First of all you have to get to campfire looking and smelling just right so some key decisions will have to be made. It will be cold. Do you wear baggy sweatpants? Which sweatshirt smells the least like bug spray? On the topic of bug spray, do you wear it and take the risk of him being allergic to deet? Or do you take the equally dangerous road of not wearing bug spray and waking up the next morning covered in bug bites? Who will be bringing the blanket? Should you? These are all decisions that have to be made quickly because timing is everything.
In order to successfully achieve your goal you must arrive at campfire at the exact right moment. Arrive too soon and you have to choose the seat with no guarantee that that he will sit by you. Too late and you run the greater risk of the two available seats next to him being taken by those two really cute girls from Cabin Seven, who are actually very nice, you should hang out with them more. So much pressure. My heart is pounding just thinking about it. But if he is making googly eyes at you and you are making googly eyes at him and the stars align all of that work and stress will be worth it because you have found yourself sitting next to that dreamy boy at campfire.
Sitting next to him, singing worship songs, maybe the two of you share a songbook and you lean in close to each other. Butterflies flutter in your stomach when your shoulders brush. You sit down and lay the songbook across your lap with your hand beneath it and he is smart enough to take the hint and slip his hand beneath it too. You hold hands in secret and your heart beats faster and you just know you’ll be together for the rest of the week.
Don’t think I don’t know what is going on there. Why else do you think I collect the songbooks the moment worship is over?
Of course, there is one last move I haven’t explained; the game strategy session. This is a break glass in case of emergency flirting technique. At Camp Bethel we play a game called Kajabba Jabba Can Can that this move works best with but it works with most other camp games.
KJCC is a gladiator-esque, last man standing, ultimate victor version of ring-around-the-rosy. The goal is simple, you want to be the last man standing.
Much like Ring-Around-The-Rosy, KJCC is a hand holding “game.” It is the only opportunity you will ever have at camp to openly hold your special someone’s hand. Many people even interdigitate for a better grip. You come together and lace your fingers around each other’s and there is a magical electric moment right before the word go. Trust me on this one, if you trust nothing else I have said, do not just stand next to that dreamy boy and hold his hand. Rookie mistake. Instead go to that boy, the one with the great hair and dashing smile, and ask about his or share your strategies. This is a guaranteed conversation starter. This move works best on people who have yet to experience KJCC for themselves, you have the opportunity to explain the rules and show him the best way to hold your hand during the game.
“So, what’s your favorite thing about this camp?”
“Kajabba Jabba Can Can!” The words left my mouth without thought.
“Kajabba Jabba Can Can. It’s a game we play there. I’ll explain.” I told him how, if you’re smart, you form alliances beforehand. “And you can always tell who the serious competitors are by the way they grab your hand.” Too excited I reached out sliding my hand into his, lacing my fingers around his. . “See, most people will grab hands like this. It’s a decent grip but you’ve got no safety net if you start to break apart.” I scooted closer to him, tucking my elbow into his so not only our fingers but our arms were interlocked. “This is how a serious competitor will hold hands.
Our arms unlocked. And I scooted back to my place across the table. He kept hold of my hand.
Explaining a camp game is the only flirting move I can say with certainty works both at camp and out in the real world.
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